kathy yen’s page

not sure… i don’t know… as in zero… i don’t know if i passed… i don’t know if i did it right… i don’t even feel any worry… am i this numb? what’s happening to me i’m not even worrying?

today, as the priest yesterday said, is our judgment day.. well, the start of… i’ve got an exam later this day…. but i’m not that worried about it… i’m more scared of the ret dem this afternoon (injection)… i’m afraid i might do it wrong… tomorrow i’ll be dead! dead-tired that is… got PHC am and pm, econ is okay… won’t matter…. PHYSICS will be tomorrow too! ah! i wonder how i’ll get along….

anywayz, i don’t know why or how, but still, the peace of mind and the light-hearted feeling is still there… deep-within… i don’t know if i’m just being dumb, or numb… but i don’t feel anything so fearing… no anxiety, i’m not stressed-out anymore… i’m not even tired! am i still alive or what???

maybe church helped me alot… don’t ya think so? it’s all i have now… all that’s left in me is my faith in HIM… so, DADDY GOD, please don’t leave me… just show me the way…

well i thought that this day would be the worst birthday ever… but contrary to what i was expecting, it did went out well… i  mean really… TODAY is a new day… i’m not only turning 19, but it’s given me a light happy feeling… i feel great… and i mean really great.. i feel better… way way better than yesterday… yesterday was a complete oppossite… yeah… totally… guess i let out everything yesterday… now i don’t even remember what my problems are anymore… hahaha

guess going to church and attending mass helped alot.. and talking to erick did me well… and meeting some folks from back home too made me feel good… and yeah, tio bert’s treat gave me a great "whew!" hahaha

i still miss home so much… i kinda cried this mownin… hahaha when my dad texted me… kinda emotional… but ’twas fantastic… i mean, i’ve been wanting to cry for the past weeks but i just seem to hold back… even if i want to, tears won’t fall… ;o)

yeah man! i’m  HAPPY! wow, when was the last time i felt so good i wanna cry????

maybe i just need a break…

got this from the Disney series, the WONDER YEARS:

‘A B IS BETTER THAN A C BUT IS NOT AS GOOD AS AN A‘

i’ll stick to that…

they don’t even know me!!! argh! they’ll all go to hell for all i care! ahhh!!! sorry for the curse alright… just hate what’s happening to me right now.. this really is not a happy birthday… this isn’t exactly what i was hoping… damn them!!!! damn it! hate physics, PHC, NCM, C.I.s even some **********……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

arghhh! to heck with them!!!

damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just wanna go home now… i miss my mom and dad and my bro… i miss everyone back home…

hala! what if… argh!!!! no!!! whatta! what a shame… argh!!! nah…

.:.uhmnn… did you ever say something not so good about someone… but you bet… it’s true.. and in fact, it really is true… and when you turn back… he’s there? ;-( ngek! .:.

thank God! ret dem’s over… semi’s finished…. though things may not have turned exactly as what i was expecting, i think ’twas good enough… hahahha

aw…. i’m dead tired! i wanna go to sleep now… and rest for a night…. finally, i can get that good night sleep… =) i know it’s still a long way to go…. but…. i’ll never get there if i don’t take the risks… ayt?

newayz, i’ll cross the bridge when i get there, right now, i just wanna take a lil’ break….

not bad i guess… not good either… ahhh!!! just hope i pass physA lect next time…. huhuhuhuhu

…just thought, the best people in the world, the luckiest ones, are those who get to do what they really wanted in life, maybe pop stars, or actresses, or maybe even a good old social worker who’d been wanting to help others out all her life… maybe… just maybe, the only problem to these special people are themselves… ’cause if they’ve got everything from the outside world, what else could they want more, right? i hate it when singers, especially "pop stars" write something about it’s not easy being them and stuff like that… maybe they need a psychological test or something… ’cause they’ve got everything there is to life, money, fame, fans, evrything… the only problem is, they kept on asking for more… they’re just so not contented with their life.. aren’t they happy they get to do what they love? now, how many people are struggling just to be on their pedestal? that’s bullshit! their only enemy is their own self.. how many of them have been hooked to drugs? or had been alcoholic since they had everything? maybe, if they’ll be on my shoes, or on any poor gal’s shoes, maybe by then, they’ll get to realize what they’re enjoying… what life has given them….

i just hope they realize everything before they’re dead…

as for me, i’m not asking for all those money and fame.. i just want a simple life.. maybe the perfect day for me would be a day spent with my loved ones, in a good greeny silent place in the suburb, away from all the troubles… just us in the country side… sipping a cup of coffee when we wake up i guess, eat some toast and bacon, a cheese to add up the taste… a slow-paced life… a life with full of… essence maybe.. something like, walking as if it were the last thing you’d do on earth…. then maybe while having breakfast we’ll talk about our plans for the day… then slowly, we’ll do everything that we’ve planned for the day… we’ll enjoy every second of our work… i would paint whatever i see, or write whatever crosses my mind… then my mom would probably be in the garden, watering her orchids…. my dad and bro would play chess, or maybe my dad would just sit on the couch and read the papers… my bro would be somewhere in the grass with his guitar.. making good music… melodies that would touch our hearts… that’ll be fun… ^sigh^ ^smile =)^ then by the end of the day, my mom and i would help ready the table, then my bro would do all the cooking… he loves it… then we’ll all sit down and talk about our day… it’ll be the best day as ever can be… then the next day we’d do the same… that’d be great… i think… ^smile again then shrug^ whatever! i don’t know if it’ll ever happen…. it’s still a steep road for all of us so far….